No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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