I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
