he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
