we're blogging at a bar
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
