He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
