before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
