i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
