I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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