Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
