I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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