Dude my mom stole all your condoms
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
