Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
