Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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