erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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