put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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