I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
