If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sorry about my life...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
