in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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