the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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