I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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