tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
