I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
