you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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