Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
