But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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