just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
splinters make it hard to masturbate
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize