Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
