I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
