That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
