what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
