Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I smell stomach acid.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
