Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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