So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
