He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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