i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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