woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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