Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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