Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
