dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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