Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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