He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
