I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize