Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
