My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
