Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
