What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
