just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
