she was so not down for the gang bang
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
