She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize