DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
