i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
