Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
