I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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