Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Randomize