Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
