How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
