made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
