Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
