We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
