I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Of course I have a pirate flag
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
