hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
