I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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