it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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