so let's talk penis.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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