At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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