My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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