she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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