New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i barfeds in our rink
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
