Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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