so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
