I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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