she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
